Men, community members play a role in preventing intimate partner violence, experts say

WARNING: This story contains discussion of intimate partner violence and suicide.

Offering resources before domestic disputes escalate into intimate partner violence (IPV) is key, two experts say in wake of the deaths of four family members in Harrow, Ont., that police have linked to IPV.

Joyce Zuk is executive director of Family Services Windsor-Essex, which has two programs to help people who identify as male with their anger.

“Fundamental to the programming is talking about the fact that when we’re looking to resolve conflicts, violence is never the answer,” Zuk said.  

While one of the programs is court mandated, the other is voluntary and does what Zuk calls the “upstream” work of preventing violence. 

“We talk about the fact that anger is something that is normal … But what we want to help the participants in the group to understand is the difference between when we’re having feelings of anger and then the difference when we act upon those feelings and … translate into violence,” Zuk told Windsor Morning host Amy Dodge. 

“We look at developing coping strategies and we explore some of the reasons why people may gravitate to violence.”

Zuk said the program is rooted in reaching out to people and offering them support proactively, “because in these situations, we know that … people can’t wait.”

In the case of the Harrow family found dead in their home June 20, Carly Walsh, 41, daughter Madison, 13, and son Hunter, 8, died of gunshots wounds, Ontario Provincial Police said. Steve, the children’s father, died of a self-inflicted gunshot wound. 

Windsor police recently arrested six people with outstanding warrants related to intimate partner violence. 

New program attempts to ‘break the cycle’

The Windsor police force also recently launched the IPV Early Intervention and Prevention Program, where police share contact information of domestic violence complainants, with their consent, with Family Services. Family service workers in turn reach out to complainants with resources, in hopes of preventing the situation from escalating.

Staff Sgt. Richard Sieberer with the Windsor Police Service’s special victims unit said the program connecting people with the resources Family Services provides came in response to what he saw daily on the job. 

“Every day I come in, and I read these reports and I notice the same names that are coming up as both victims and offenders,” Sieberer said. 

“First it starts as a verbal argument, then … maybe escalates a little bit, becomes another verbal argument, maybe even a third verbal argument. And then it becomes something where someone gets violent, and that’s when charges [are] laid.

While the resources existed before the launch of this program, Sieberer said he hopes the proactive program makes it easier for people having issues in their relationships to get individualized support.

“[Before,] police would provide a pamphlet or a phone number and say, ‘Hey, you know what, seems like you could use some help, call this number,'” Siebert said. 

“Do we think a lot of people were calling or walking into these places? There were some that were, but I think a lot of people weren’t doing that. We’re just making it easier for people to get the help that they require in a timely fashion.”

Sieberer said that Windsor, police attend about 3,800 calls each year related to IPV, making it one of the top three reasons people call police for service in the area. 

‘People can’t wait,’ Family Services says

Zuk said that of about 50 referrals to that program, seven people have agreed to start counselling with family services. 

“We were excited when the Windsor Police Service reached out to us. It really speaks to the fact that there’s a recognition across the board that we need to be doing that upstream work.”

Zuk said people experiencing domestic violence can bring up the possibility of enrolling in a family services program to their partner after, not during, an incident. 

“But it’s not just incumbent on the partner to bring that up. And one of the things that we want to continue to have a societal conversation about is that if we have friends, if we note family members that appear to be struggling, it’s incumbent on all of us to step in and say something.

“This is where we believe that men have a critical role to play … We would like to see more men calling one another out and encouraging each other to get help.”

For anyone affected by family or intimate partner violence, there is support available through crisis lines and local support services. ​​If you’re in immediate danger or fear for your safety or that of others around you, please call 911.

If you or someone you know is struggling, here’s where to get help: