Xanthe Dobbie: the 10 funniest things I have ever seen (on the internet) | Culture

My dear friend and collaborator Harriet Gillies often refers to me as The Invisible Hand of the Internet – a title I proudly bare. This is, however, a bit of a misnomer. While I am a person who actively observes and reviews the internet, I’m weirdly a bit of a bystander. I have a kind of a look-don’t-touch approach, like a no-intervention documentarian watching little internet creatures troll each other in their native habitat so I can scurry home and make my little gay collages about them. From my observational high horse, I do, of course, see a lot.

Attempting to condense this list down to 10 points seems a near-impossible task. As such, I’ve structured this esteemed collection in layers of descent. Welcome to Xanthe Dobbie’s doom scroll in three acts: gay sun, tech moon, unhinged rising.

Gay sun

1. Jodie Foster: gay silence

This 1979 interview with Jodie Foster (lez icon) is the source text for the truly exquisite gay silence meme. A pregnant pause follows the questions “Do you have a steady boyfriend?” and “What kind of fella would you like?” The camera edges forward to frame a clearly queer 17-year-old Foster, a smirk creeping across her face. If you are gay, you absolutely know this look. Her silence speaks volumes.

2. Jordan Firstman’s impression of the words they and them

A hundred years ago in 2020, queer writer and comedian Jordan Firstman released a series of impressions on Instagram and TikTok providing the world with a much-needed reprieve from the dystopian hellscape within which we toiled. As a they/them, this one felt particularly resonant. The hottest of pronouns, “they” was declared word of the year by Merriam-Webster in 2019.

3. The Ultimatum cast tries to order pizza

This one’s a bit of an inside joke – but that’s essentially what everything on the internet is. If you, like me, were absolutely entranced by The Ultimatum: Queer Love – Netflix’s most recent stab at LGBTQ+ reality TV – you are going to love the accuracy of this TikTok. Queer Ultimatum was MESSY and I lapped up every second of it. In one tight minute video, @lilly27sings and a cast of doppelganger queers manage to neatly sum up the entire series. Very impressive.

Tech moon

4. We’re not ready for what’s coming

Since the recent advent of ChatGPT and Midjourney, there has been a rising fear that the singularity is approaching. Are we losing control of our technology? Will it soon overthrow us and steal our jobs? Capitalism really does have a firm grasp on the west.

Fortunately, the soothing balm of memes can set us at ease. This one fills me with nostalgia. I remember watching this pipe-generating screensaver for hours and hours on the chunky monitors of my primary school classrooms.

5. Carol’s Christmas carol for Carol, a woman named Carol

While the robots may take us out eventually, we’re certainly not there yet. This bot-generated holiday film is everything. The description of Carol as a “woman whose hair is all bangs” gives me life.

6. Two chatbots talking to each other

This one speaks for itself. It’s two chatbots talking to each other. So much gaslighting. Enjoy!

Unhinged rising

7. Taylor Swift stage dive

Oh, you got tickets to Taylor Swift? Good for you (derogatory). As one of the millions who missed out, I offer you this consolation prize. My god, she really knows how to spectacle. There is something so unsettling about the diving technique here. Where is she going!? What is down there!? I hope I never know.

8. Cars conspiracy theory

There is a beautiful corner of the internet dedicated to Disney-Pixar conspiracies and this one is a personal favourite. In a 2017 article, Jason Torchinsky hypothesises that the Cars universe is actually set in our own reality tens of thousands of years into the future. Raising a number of compelling and elaborate points surrounding “genetic engineering” and “gearheads”, Torchinsky suggests that Pixar’s cars are not simply sentient vehicles, but rather, vehicles with humans trapped inside them. See diagram for details.

9. Patti Harrison’s Disease Sleuth

Harrison is one of my all-time favourite comedians. She is the perfect balance of hot, funny and unhinged, which is honestly everything I look for in a partner. Disease Sleuth only has one episode and that’s all it needs. I am a particular fan of the ad breaks: “Computers! They need us more than we need them.” Genius.

10. Heidi Klum as a worm

I love Heidi Klum. I think she is one of the greatest performance artists of the contemporary era. If somehow you missed this delightfully disconcerting worm costume from Halloween 2022, your time is now. In this video we see Klum writhing around on the floor as the interviewer stoops to meet her monstrous face. It’s impeccable. Fortunately, the worm does not exist in a vacuum and I would heartily encourage you to deep-dive further into the Klum archives. In her own words, “the early bird catches the worm”. Go! Fly!

• Xanthe Dobbie is co-creator of Queer PowerPoint, which has shows coming up in Sydney, Melbourne, Perth and Taiwan. Follow them on Instagram for upcoming exhibitions and performances.