Pete Davidson talks PTSD, self harm and critics who think he talks about his ‘dead dad all the time’

Pete Davidson is opening up about the impact his father’s tragic death continues to have on his mental health.

In an interview on the Real Ones With Jon Bernthal podcast, the former Saturday Night Live star talked about getting past some of the public perceptions of himself, which includes being ‘the guy who talks about his dead dad all the time.’

Davidson’s father, Scott Davidson, was a firefighter who died in the World Trade Center on 9/11 when the comedian and actor was just seven-years-old. 

‘It’s like, I made two jokes about my dad in a span of like 15 years. To act like I’m like this, “feel bad for me,” it’s such bulls*** and it makes me feel so small and s****y,” he said of his critics, adding, ‘I’m trying to share little jokes here and there about him because I like to keep that memory alive. My dad was a great dude. Like, why is that a problem? I get defensive, that’s my family.’

As the conversation went on he broached some other real personal subjects like his experience with PTSD, seemingly in the wake of his father’s tragic death, self-harm and borderline personality disorder. 

He went on to share that he’s only now ‘getting better’ at realizing he can’t please everyone or fix every misconception out there about him, all while still ‘getting used to the feeling of happiness.’

‘The only thing you can control is who you have around you, what you put your energy in to, who loves you, and who you love back,’ he explained to Bernthal in a backyard interview. ‘It’s a weird thing for me to even grasp now because I’ve lived in discomfort for so long where that became comfortable. So now I actually have people around me now that love me, and it’s weird. That’s a whole new thing I never thought of. It’s weird being happy.’

In recent days, Davidson said he revealed to his girl [Chase Sui Wonders] and friends that he was ‘feeling f***ing weird and something’s wrong,’ yet nothing was wrong in his life at that moment.

‘I believe like everyone’s struggle is big to them. I was just like crying. I’m always feeling like the walls close in or something going to be ripped out,’ he told the host.

Unanswered questions, like that, are some stressors he’s trying to tackle while working with a psychologist.

‘I’ve been doing a lot of therapy, trauma therapy, to figure out why – there’s obvious reasons why with the PTSD from childhood,’ he said in a reference to the loss of his father, who had told him he would pick him up from school on September 11, 2001, but it was his mother who ended up being the one who ended up taking him home.

The Staten Island, New York native revealed he only found out his father had died when he turned on the television and the news reported the deaths of firefighters, several weeks after the attack on the World Trade Center. 

Davidson explained that he and his therapist ‘agreed that a lot of it [the trauma] stems from the fact that his father had told him would pick him up on 9/11.’

At a certain point, he acknowledged the strength his mother had in dealing with the not knowing whether her husband was alive or not, and then the realization that he was in fact dead, at a time when his mom was ‘only just about to be 30’ with two kids.

‘I wouldn’t know what the f**k to do. That’s why as I get older I’m like, “Man, my mom was awesome…  f**k that was rough. Nobody knew the right way to deal with it,’ he added. ‘Whether or not it’s right or wrong, it still f***s a kid up.”‘

Along with the PTSD, Davidson confessed he also suffers with BPD (borderline personality disorder), which he says is defined as ‘the fear of abandonment.’

‘So, dad says he’s coming to pick you up and he doesn’t, for life I’m just like, “I don’t believe anyone, and I’m trying to learn to believe people. And Hollywood isn’t exactly the greatest place to learn that skill, he continued. ‘I went from traumatic life to […] high school traumatic life, because Hollywood’s like high school.’

Along with his trust issues, Davidson said he’s also trying to find ways to overcome self harm, which he’s been doing since childhood.

‘I used to like cut, up until like a year ago, I used to cut. I used to bang my head against walls,’ he admitted. ‘If I couldn’t deal with something — if someone told me something sad or something I couldn’t deal with I would bang my head against the wall, hoping I’d pass out because I didn’t want to be in that situation because I couldn’t handle that.’

He explained that those feelings have become less and less over ‘years and years’ with the help of skills derived from dialectical behavior therapy (DBT). Some of the alternatives to self harm include taking cold showers, listening to your favorite music or just do ‘anything else’ when those self destructive impulses arise.

‘That feeling most of the time goes away after 15-20 minutes,’ he said, adding, ‘I had to learn that if one little thing isn’t going the right way, that doesn’t mean the whole ship sinks.’

Davidson also shared about his dating life during in-depth interview released on Patreon.

He was stumped over the public’s interest in his personal life and high-profile relationships.

‘I think what happened was I became more known before the work was there. But I was always working… Look, I’m in my 20s and I’ve dated people and for some reason that is very crazy and interesting to people,’ Pete said while wearing a grey beanie and hoodie for his interview. 

‘I don’t think it’s that interesting. I’ve been in show business for half my life almost, for like 14, 15 years, and on a national TV show. And in 12 years, I’ve dated like 10 people, I don’t really think that’s that crazy,’ he said. ‘But to some people it seems very interesting.’

Davidson added that it was ‘confusing’ because he was not on social media ‘flexing’ about his dating life.

‘These people that I’ve dated, like I’ve met them at work. Like, I wasn’t in anyone’s DMs, no one was in mine. …I worked at one of the five Hollywood epicenters where you meet people. And that’s just who I was working with and who I was around,’ Pete said.

The funnyman went on to say that he was thrown into the ‘zeitgeist’, but everything spoken about him had ‘zero to do with the work.’

‘And that is a really s***ty feeling,’ he added.

Davidson was a cast member on NBC’s Saturday Night Live for eight seasons from 2014 until 2022.

Kim Kardashian, 42, and Pete started dating in October 2021 after the reality star appeared on Saturday Night Live and they shared an on-screen kiss together.

Ariana Grande, 29, was the host and musical guest on a March 2016 episode of Saturday Night Live and she started dating The King of Staten Island star in May 2018. he would confirm in June 2018 that they were engaged, but they called it off in October 2018.

Davidson also has dated comedian Carly Aquilino; Cazzie David, daughter of Larry David; actress Kate Beckinsale, Margaret Qualley, Kaia Gerber, Phoebe Dynevor and Emily Ratajkowski. He lately has been dating Chase Sui Wonders.

The New York City native told Bernthal that he was trying to grow into the man he wants to be while being watched.

Davidson can next be seen in the comedy-drama film Dumb Money that chronicles the GameStop short squeeze in January 2021.

Dumb Money by director Craig Gillespie also stars Paul Dano, Sebastian Stan and Seth Rogen and is scheduled to be released in theaters on October 20 by Stage 6 Films and Sony Pictures Releasing.

The Former Walking Dead star launched his Real Ones podcast in February 2022.

An excerpt of the interview was posted on YouTube with the whole interview available for members of the Real Ones Patreon community.