There are films that are labours of love.
Then there are those that are labours to watch.
Unfortunately, Black Adam is the latter.
Arriving on an avalanche of hype, preceded by years of Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson telling us how he was going to change the hierarchy of the DC Universe, Black Adam is a generic-looking super smash fest centred around a brooding anti-hero facing off against a team with so little chemistry they are practically inert.
The conundrum at the heart of Black Adam is how the film manages to render so many likable, charming actors into forgettable clichés.
Brooding doesn’t come naturally to The Rock
Let’s begin with the strangest casting of all: the big man himself.
Yes, Johnson looks like a superhero, no CGI required.
Other than his ability to train exhaustively and sell tequila products, Johnson’s true superpower is his charisma. He has that megawatt smile and the people’s eyebrow, forever arched. At his best, Johnson is funny, sly and even downright dirty. The wrestler knows how to land a punchline.
But Black Adam doesn’t laugh. He doesn’t joke. He simmers and occasionally rages. The constantly shifting origin story introduces him as a slave from 5,000 years ago, granted the power of ancient gods.
After his fury annihilated a kingdom, Black Adam slept, only to be woken by Adrianna, the Lara Croft knock-off — played by Sarah Shahi — who hopes to free the fictional country of Kahndaq from the clutches of criminal mercenaries known as the Intergang.
I’ll give you time to absorb the sentence, but it’s representative of broad generalities that make this film so forgettable. Speaking to CBC News, Johnson talked about wanting to be authentic, to stay true to the origins of Black Adam.
WATCH | Dwayne Johnson goes full superhero in trailer for Black Adam:
But there’s nothing authentic about Kahndaq. Like too many DC locations, it’s less a country than a pastiche. Metropolis is shiny and new. Gotham is dark and, well, gothic. Kahndaq is “the other,” an amalgam of Middle Eastern locations and accents, far away and nowhere, all at once.
But Kahndaq has a bigger problem than a lack of specificity. What woke Adam in the first place was Adrianna’s hunt for a magic crown. Together with her skateboard-riding son Amon (major Poochie vibes), she’s trying to keep the crown out of Intergang’s clutches, all the while introducing Black Adam to the 21st century.
With Superman-like power, Adam quickly begins disposing of the forgettable soldiers of fortune, grimacing and muttering as he goes. Try as he might, brooding does not come naturally to Johnson. Perhaps he could have taken lessons from Batman.
The explosion of activity brings Black Adam to the attention of Amanda Waller, the school monitor of the DC Universe who recruits a fresh team of heroes to rein him in.
Enter the Justice Society, a team of heroes created to ensure “global stability.” I know. It sounded just as cool in the theatre.
With no time for backstory, the film throws a cast of new characters into the mix. Aldis Hodge displayed effortless charm as Jim Brown in One Night in Miami. As the Hawkman he has wings, a hammer and poor planning.
Pierce Brosnan plays Doctor Fate, who would be a wonderfully impressive wizard if we hadn’t seen his bag of tricks with Doctor Strange. But that’s a nice shiny helmet and, hey, points for rocking the ascot.
Rounding out the team are the younger members: Noah Centineo as the supersized lunkhead Atom Smasher, plus Quintessa Swindell as Cyclone who controls the wind with nanobots because why not?
A lack of courage
While DC fans continue to wait for a saviour, the biggest aspect holding it back is a lack of courage. Marvel Studios is far from perfect but it does take risks inviting interesting directors into the sandbox. I didn’t love the last Doctor Strange film but at least Sam Raimi’s army of flying zombie wizards was original.
The only thing Black Adam director Jaume Collet-Serra adds is a penchant for slow motion and rock songs, turning battles into something like a Soundgarden music video.
Perhaps the biggest surprise of Black Adam is how Johnson plays it safe. Sure he skewers the bad guys with abandon. But do we see him do anything truly questionable? Kill anyone who didn’t evidently deserve it?
For all its supposed edge, the film doesn’t have the guts to present a real ethical dilemma. Instead we’re served up a carefully calculated move to position The Rock as a pivotal player in the next phase of DC storytelling.
Black Adam — or perhaps more accurately, Blah Adam — may tease a promising payoff, but even Johnson’s shoulders can’t lift the DC Universe out of its slump.